Aloha Everyone,

This week has been full of questions about looking for love, keeping love, knowing when love has gone, saying goodbye to a love and preparing to love again.

I’m tempted to write two separate posts, one for women and one for men. There is much advice available that addresses one sex or the other–at some point, I will go there for a couple weeks–but not this time. There are some basic truths I’m learning about intimate relationships that I’d like to share with you all.

For singles looking:

Try to get clear on what kind of relationship you want–for some of us, this is not as easy as it might seem. Write two columns, “Want,” and, “Don’t Want.” Tell the truth. Read them. Notice your visceral response to everything you’re reading. Is it accurate & current, or based on some past experience? You may need to update, or add a “Maybe,” column.

Once you’ve got some clarity, do something about it. Let go of all preconceived ideas about right or wrong ways to meet someone. If you have an issue with online dating, all that means is that you’re probably older than you’d like to admit. Get over it, already–it’s what almost everybody under 40 does, what everybody under 30 does, and a 20 year-old doesn’t even understand the question. However it used to be, where has it gotten you up to now?

Give yourself permission to flirt with everybody. I’m not suggesting you be salacious, or inappropriate in any way, just fully alive and willing to share your enjoyment of life with those around you.

Take this test–the next time you see someone attractive to you, what is your automatic response? Do you make eye contact and smile, or do you look away? If you’re looking away, stop that! Gaze into their eyes & smile–what could it hurt? If the person is psychologically healthy & open to love, they will receive your attention as a compliment.

Practice flirting with anyone in your category of interest. Build your ability to talk about your appreciation of life, and the small things you notice about someone that please you. Communicate this way when you’re out in the world. When you meet a potential lover whose charms stun you, you’ll be much less likely to run. You’ll be more likely to do what you do everyday.

For women (O.K., I can’t help it), this initially needs to lean towards sustained eye contact (five whole seconds, I mean it) and smiling. If the man appears terrified, thank God you’re getting the scoop up front. More likely, he’ll be intrigued and approach you.

For men, you need to gaze into a woman’s eyes, smile and speak. Yes, for our sake, for your sake, say something. A simple, “You look good today,” is a gift to any sane female (I know there are women with issues–just duck & move on).

Let yourself explore these ways of connecting. Regard it as a fun experiment, no pressure, just a juicy adventure. When we allow ourselves to be playful with each other, much anxiety falls away. Our willingness to enjoy life can be our most compelling quality.

I’ll stop here for now. Go out and flirt. I respectfully dare and encourage you.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

This has been a fascinating, challenging, deeply & unexpectedly transformative year. I’m very happy to let my friends know that I have begun writing again.

My plan is to post at least weekly. So much evolutionary love is coming forward, posts may need to be more frequent. We will see what Spirit wants.

I’m also available to new clients now, either in person (house/hotel calls) on Maui, or by phone/Skype globally.

I would love to hear from you. If you have a question you would like a spiritual shrink to answer, consider the column I proposed last year,    “Ask Dr. Julianne,” open for business. Please write your question in the comment section & I’ll answer as soon as I can.

If you would like to talk with me in a counseling session, please leave me a voicemail at 1-808-283-8431 and we can schedule a time. You might visit the, “Session Request,” page on my site and complete the questionnaire to get us started.

I’m so happy and grateful to be connecting with you all again–I look eagerly forward to many high & deep insights and inspirations in the sacred space between us.

Love and blessings, Julianne

Aloha from Maui, Hawaii!
When I needed emotional support and wanted a counselor, I looked for an experienced, credentialed professional who had a spiritual orientation to their work.  I was in Southern California at the time, and thought there would be many such individuals from which to choose.
The counselors I found fell largely into two groups–either traditionally trained therapists who viewed spiritual experience as a symptom, or alternative practitioners who lacked the training to guide anyone through a difficult psychological  passage. With the first group, the traditionalists, I could count on standardized treatment plans and professional ethics, but not an understanding of my spiritual needs.  The alternative group offered a variety of intriguing healing modalities that acknowledged my spiritual practice.  However, they had no clinical experience with psychological disorders and would not have recognized the need for a treatment different from their own.
I found a few licensed therapists who described themselves as spiritual–and who stated they were open to talking about their clients’ religious beliefs if the client brought it up.  None of them felt it was appropriate to actually counsel clients on the impact or practice of their beliefs.
Then there were the counselors affiliated with a particular religion or church.  These therapists would prescribe the group’s scriptures and offer clients their group’s interpretation of the beliefs required for peace
of mind.
All these individuals appeared well-intentioned.  Yet, I didn’t feel any of them were offering the depth of understanding I was seeking.
My insurance didn’t cover any of the more ‘spiritual’ licensed therapists–I decided to try the psychologist referred by my HMO.   Being a doctoral student in psychology, I told this attractive woman my diagnosis,  ‘Situational Disorder w/mixed emotional features.’  The lady was outraged and pointed out that I was the patient, she was the therapist and would determine what was wrong with me.  I did not return.
Happily, a couple of colleagues supported me through this challenging time.
When I was able to meditate on the entire adventure of finding the right therapist, I resolved to become the kind of counselor for whom I had been searching.
In my next post, I will explain the philosophy of  ‘Prayer Guided Psychotherapy,’ the basic components a client would encounter, and my own orientation to the work.