Ask Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

I want to speak with you in a very personal way about my shift in motivation.

In previous posts, I’ve introduced the concept of awakened motivation, or motivation that has shifted from a preoccupation with individual needs and preferences, to a motivation to act for the greatest good. This can sound quite lofty and abstract. All too often, we hear a noble idea and have an inner resonance with its truth. We believe our lives would be better if we could live that truth, but we have no clue how to change, or even what the change might look like.

The best way I can imagine to give you a practical look into evolving your motivation to live a more meaningful life with more real and satisfying relationships, is to share some of my own struggles with you.

Today was challenging  for me. My physical energy was low, my brain foggy. Meditation was fraught with circular, negative thoughts. An invitation for which I was hoping did not come. A project on which I have been collaborating and in which I’ve invested a great deal of time may not go forward. I feel some fear and self-doubt around these things. Most disturbingly, I had to write a letter to an old friend, holding them responsible for behavior out of integrity, for actions injurious to me. I provided evidence of a truth they have long denied. This needed to be done, but the reality check may end the friendship. I feel both angry and sad.

It’s human nature to feel sad, scared, to create a story of victimization, when things don’t go our way, when we feel let down by another. Spiritual development can lessen our attachment to negative thoughts and feelings. We coach ourselves to see the bigger picture, to identify with a grander compassion. Sometimes, if our practice takes a confused turn, we learn to distance ourselves from realities that offer us the very information we need to heal and grow. Some people far along the path of consciousness find themselves needing a therapist to tell them how important it is to get back in touch with their feelings.

On one hand, we can’t allow ourselves to be at the mercy of our thoughts and feelings, or be defined by them. Yet, we need to tell the truth about our experiences to be authentic and fully alive. What do we do when our truth is painful, when what we want to do is run and hide, when the last thing we feel like doing is keeping our commitments, to ourselves or anyone else?

If we have had glimpses, openings about the truth of our nature, about our inter-relatedness as spirit in form, if we have allowed an awareness of our essential unity to become more real than our illusory separateness, an answer emerges. We show up, feeling how we feel, and do the right thing. More than an answer, we experience a call, a deep shift in our motivation for action. We feel how we feel. We may need more or less time to sort through it. Nothing about that keeps us from honoring our commitment to life.

Whatever the story of our experience is, life still needs us. We may not be feeling the strength, we may not have the courage to boldly go forward for ourselves alone. But we are not alone. We have an emerging identity as the breath that breathes those around us. Our motivation is no longer bound up in our own benefit. Our motivation is the well being of our family, our community, our world. Because they are counting on me, as a crucial part of their own hearts, I can do what I need to do.

Today, I felt scared, angry, sad. I had reason to experience those feelings. Some of the situations will take a while to resolve. I’m still responsible to life. Knowing that I’m going to keep my commitment to you, my readers, makes my heart lighter. Being able to trust that I’ll show up for chaplain duty tomorrow morning, at Unity’s Sunday service, releases me from being defined by my challenges. Sunday night, my core motivation will be facilitating my spiritual practice circle.

I won’t do these things because I have to do them. I certainly won’t be doing them as a perfect human, free of doubts or personal issues. In all my imperfection, I will do these right things because I am only alive in you. We are God’s only hands. Our motivation is shifting to That.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne