Aloha Dear Ones,

How wonderful to be back with you. I’ve taken time off to learn more of what I need to understand about the heart of love. It’s hard to know where to begin, at what point to bring you into my process of discovery.

I’ve just returned from a Lutheran Church in South Maui, where I attended their Good Friday service. Good Friday is part of Christian Holy Week, retelling the story of Christ’s last days, his death, followed by the celebration of his resurrection on Easter Sunday.

I went back to the Lutheran religion of my childhood tonight, because my beloved Unity Church doesn’t have a Good Friday service.

My former minister, Rev. Mary Omwake, told me that a group of Unity leaders once asked Matthew Fox, revolutionary theologian and defrocked Catholic (now an Episcopalian priest), for his opinion on Unity’s teachings. Matthew Fox’s analysis was that Unity reflected his understanding of the light, really had the positive truth, but that, “new thought,” churches, in general, didn’t know what to do with the dark.

Thus, no Unity service on Jesus’s crucifixion. This is a broad and deep issue for another post. Unity will indeed have a beautiful Easter service. I will be on duty as a chaplain, available to pray with anyone at the program’s close. If you are here on Maui, please come and say aloha on Sunday morning.

What touched me most at the Lutheran Church tonight was how profoundly interconnected I felt with everyone. It felt like my heart was beating in time with each heart, with the heart of the congregation. Amongst the Lutheran regulars, there’s probably a range of beliefs, from fundamentalist to very progressive (this is tolerant Maui, after all). The more conservative members would take issue with my belief that all paths lead to God, perhaps even with my identifying as a Christian.

Yet, what I heard, what I participated in with my Lutheran brothers and sisters this Good Friday, along with being deeply moving, seemed to come from an evolving, more integral perspective. The service focused on the 14 Stations of the Cross, each moments in Christ’s walk, bearing a heavy wooden cross, towards the site of his execution.

The liturgy, the language of each Station, was written in a way that evoked a deep resonance with Jesus as a man, fully human, as well as fully divine–a man who was so surrendered to the Divine, who so fully embodied God’s love, that he was willing to give his life for, as, that love. We were asked how we would have responded, had we been on that walk with the crowd following Jesus to his death. When Jesus fell the second time, under the weight of the cross, would we help him carry it, as did Simon? When, for the third time, Jesus fell, would we have tenderly wiped his brow, as did the woman who pushed through the soldiers to reach him?

We were charged with considering how we show up for God’s love, now, in this life. Can we become so aligned with Divine right action, that, like Christ, we always say, “Not my will, but Thine?” Can our identity shift from an individual self, separate from each other, separate from God, to one inter-related whole, responsible for acting as God’s only hands, only voice, on earth? Can we, like Christ, choose to act as God’s love, no matter what the cost?

Yes, I’m paraphrasing, through the evolutionary, integral lens of consciousness. But tonight, as I sat with my spiritual family (I was going to say extended family, but it conveys something one step removed, which was not the reality), the love in our hearts was separated neither by language, nor dogma. I saw the tears shed by all, and all saw mine. I felt the love of all–and all felt mine. Together, we experienced a quickening (evolutionary impulse/Holy Spirit) of our commitment to show up as God’s love on earth.

Dear ones, we cannot wait for God’s love to be revealed to us. We need to act as God’s love for each other, now, with courage, with humility, through our sorrows and our joys.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

It’s good to be with you again. I’ve been doing a lot of reflection this past week. There are many challenges in my life right now. I’m determined to see those challenges in the light of the evolutionary perspective I’ve been studying.

Sometimes challenges seem to come all at once. Our tendency is to view these challenges the ways we always have, or the ways in which we have been taught. We round up the usual stories, tell them first to ourselves, and then repeat our stories to anyone who has the patience or kindness to listen. We remember all the details of how these challenges showed up in our lives in the past, and pour over these unpleasant details, one by one.

We develop amazingly creative ways to reinforce our previous experience of the challenge at hand. Some of us, with a highly developed visual skill, even learn how to project a movie of our past traumas and dramas onto our conscious minds,  and watch it play, over and over again. In our mind’s eye, we watch the challenge take shape, we see our ineffective response, and we safely and surely predict the unhappy result. I say, “safely,” because no matter how awful the result, there is a certain false comfort in the familiar.

If we cling to the false safety of the familiar, we are doomed to experience our current challenge as leading to the same negative result, or, to a situation even more heartbreaking. How can we break out of the familiar cycle of repeating our mistakes? How can we break free of our past conditioning?

We can start by being willing to examine our beliefs about our situation. If the choices we have been making have been consistently leading to unhappy results, then there is something wrong with the story we have been telling ourselves. We are not seeing clearly.

So, we allow ourselves to be curious about the challenge we are facing. Instead of falling back on an old story, we admit that we don’t understand the truth of our situation. We cultivate an attitude of not knowing, but wanting to know. As both the integralists and the evolutionaries might say, we enter into a process of inquiry. We hold even our most cherished beliefs around the issue lightly, leaving room for new information. We open ourselves to feedback from life. We begin to make choices based on this new information, not based on our conditioned patterns.

It takes courage to be open to the truth of life. But the good news is that the evolutionary impulse, the innate creative power unfolding all of life, is very much on our side, once we start on the path of the good, the true, the beautiful, and the holy. The evolutionary impulse, which to me is the Holy Spirit, is actually calling us to that sacred path.

In being willing to see our challenges with beginner’s mind, to become curious about them, to admit that we don’t understand everything and to desire to learn more, we open the door to a deeper wisdom. By making different choices based on the new truth life shows us, we come into closer alignment with the holy impulse moving all life forward. From that place, all goods things are possible.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

I want to speak with you in a very personal way about my shift in motivation.

In previous posts, I’ve introduced the concept of awakened motivation, or motivation that has shifted from a preoccupation with individual needs and preferences, to a motivation to act for the greatest good. This can sound quite lofty and abstract. All too often, we hear a noble idea and have an inner resonance with its truth. We believe our lives would be better if we could live that truth, but we have no clue how to change, or even what the change might look like.

The best way I can imagine to give you a practical look into evolving your motivation to live a more meaningful life with more real and satisfying relationships, is to share some of my own struggles with you.

Today was challenging  for me. My physical energy was low, my brain foggy. Meditation was fraught with circular, negative thoughts. An invitation for which I was hoping did not come. A project on which I have been collaborating and in which I’ve invested a great deal of time may not go forward. I feel some fear and self-doubt around these things. Most disturbingly, I had to write a letter to an old friend, holding them responsible for behavior out of integrity, for actions injurious to me. I provided evidence of a truth they have long denied. This needed to be done, but the reality check may end the friendship. I feel both angry and sad.

It’s human nature to feel sad, scared, to create a story of victimization, when things don’t go our way, when we feel let down by another. Spiritual development can lessen our attachment to negative thoughts and feelings. We coach ourselves to see the bigger picture, to identify with a grander compassion. Sometimes, if our practice takes a confused turn, we learn to distance ourselves from realities that offer us the very information we need to heal and grow. Some people far along the path of consciousness find themselves needing a therapist to tell them how important it is to get back in touch with their feelings.

On one hand, we can’t allow ourselves to be at the mercy of our thoughts and feelings, or be defined by them. Yet, we need to tell the truth about our experiences to be authentic and fully alive. What do we do when our truth is painful, when what we want to do is run and hide, when the last thing we feel like doing is keeping our commitments, to ourselves or anyone else?

If we have had glimpses, openings about the truth of our nature, about our inter-relatedness as spirit in form, if we have allowed an awareness of our essential unity to become more real than our illusory separateness, an answer emerges. We show up, feeling how we feel, and do the right thing. More than an answer, we experience a call, a deep shift in our motivation for action. We feel how we feel. We may need more or less time to sort through it. Nothing about that keeps us from honoring our commitment to life.

Whatever the story of our experience is, life still needs us. We may not be feeling the strength, we may not have the courage to boldly go forward for ourselves alone. But we are not alone. We have an emerging identity as the breath that breathes those around us. Our motivation is no longer bound up in our own benefit. Our motivation is the well being of our family, our community, our world. Because they are counting on me, as a crucial part of their own hearts, I can do what I need to do.

Today, I felt scared, angry, sad. I had reason to experience those feelings. Some of the situations will take a while to resolve. I’m still responsible to life. Knowing that I’m going to keep my commitment to you, my readers, makes my heart lighter. Being able to trust that I’ll show up for chaplain duty tomorrow morning, at Unity’s Sunday service, releases me from being defined by my challenges. Sunday night, my core motivation will be facilitating my spiritual practice circle.

I won’t do these things because I have to do them. I certainly won’t be doing them as a perfect human, free of doubts or personal issues. In all my imperfection, I will do these right things because I am only alive in you. We are God’s only hands. Our motivation is shifting to That.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

Just received a, “talking to,” from one of my dearest friends. This friend was amazed that even when specifically asked how someone could improve their relationships skills, I didn’t include my own counseling services in the list of referrals. My friend understands that my counseling is how I pay the bills, and, perhaps they would like me to take them to lunch more often:).

So, here is my offer to you. If you would like to have a session with me, please go to MauiSpiritualCounseling.com and click on the, “Session Request,” page. Many of my sessions are done via phone or Skype, so I’m able to have clients from around our beautiful world. Just include in your message on the, “Session Request,” page that you are responding to the offer in my blog. I will give you the same lower price usually given only to Hawaii residents, until the end of February, 2/29/12. The discount is about 15%, so please take me up on this offer now. I would be honored to be of service to you.

O.K. Had to gently talk myself through that advertisement. It’s easier for me to promote other teachers. I need to focus on the benefits my clients say they receive from our time together–perhaps that will reduce feeling self-conscious and focus my attention where it needs to be, on showing up with you.

Now can I go ahead and give another recommendation about which I’m very excited? Good:). The teacher with whom I’ve been studying evolutionary spirituality for the past two years, Craig Hamilton, is giving a free meditation this next Sunday, 1/29/12. Here is part of the notice I received today:

“Our next free, ‘Meditation for Evolutionaries,’ event will take place this Sunday, January 29th, at 8:00 AM Pacific Standard Time.

This event is a free monthly meditation gathering of more than 1,000 participants from around the world, hosted by Integral Enlightenment founder Craig Hamilton.

This 90-minute event will begin with a brief talk about meditation, followed by a 45-minute guided meditation and a 30-minute Q&A session during which you can ask your questions about meditation and receive direct guidance from Craig.

If you would like to invite family and friends to the meditation, please share the link: http://integralenlightenment.com/evolutionary-meditation.”

I passionately encourage you to attend this live, on-line meditation, with one the the leading teachers of evolutionary spirituality/enlightenment. My experience with Craig Hamilton has been truly transformative.

For the past two years, I’ve been part of an intentional on-line community created by Craig, the Evolutionary Life Transformation Program (ELTP). It has been both deeply challenging and inspiring. ELTP does not promote a specific religion or dogma. The teachings offer a path to becoming fully alive and purposeful in how we embody the evolutionary impulse that is urging humanity towards the good, the true, the beautiful, and the holy.

The sweetest part of my experience with evolutionary spirituality has been connecting with the dear souls who’ve come together to explore our essential inter-relatedness. The focus of this practice is waking up together in our relationships, communities, and our world. I hope you will share in this sacred process. Joining Sunday’s meditation would be a wonderful first step for anyone feeling a call to explore the evolutionary perspective.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

A reader asked after viewing the last post, “So what do they do now,” meaning, how do the students described, one very experienced, one just beginning, take the next step in evolving their relationships?

There are many ways to develop/nurture an awareness of our natural inter-relatedness. Which pathway we choose depends on our personal preferences and depth of interest/commitment. I’ll continue to give the major references in integral and evolutionary spirituality that have been so transformative in my own experience, Craig Hamilton’s IntegralEnlightenment.com, Andrew Cohen’s EnlightenNext.org, and Ken Wilber’s IntegralLife.com. If you browse through those sites, something is sure to peak your interest, to invite you to explore deeper.

Perhaps Ken Wilber’s work provides the broadest historical, intellectual frame for integral/evolutionary thought. If you find yourself attracted to his approach, read his book, “Integral Spirituality,” published in 2006. There are many opportunities for students to engage in the various offerings on IntegralLife.com. Andrew Cohen’s work, EnlightenNext.org, presents opportunities to both study and practice the evolutionary perspective. His recently published book, “Evolutionary Enlightenment,” 2011, is an essential primer on evolutionary spirituality. Andrew’s book is thrillingly hopeful–I passionately recommend it to you.

Craig Hamilton’s (IntegralEnlightenment.com) focus has been on creating a virtual practice community, that meets twice a year for live retreats. The winter retreat was just last weekend, at Asilomar in Northern California. I’ve been studying with Craig for two years now, in his Evolutionary Life Transformation Program (ELTP). While his focus is on the practical integration of evolutionary principles into daily life, Craig also provides an intellectual foundation for evolutionary practice. My experience with him has been profoundly inspiring, and life altering. Students from all around the world, of different cultures, religions and ages have come together, committed to shifting their core identities from, “me,” to, “We,” awakening to the truth of our unity as Spirit in form.

So let’s go back to the two students from my previous post. The older, been-around-the-spiritual-block, seeker has firmly engrained beliefs, some, hard-earned wisdom, and some, continuing illusions. Short of a miraculous, bolt-of-lightening type of revelation (which can indeed occur, not often, but it can), he will need to courageously explore his conditioned patterns, be willing to challenge those patterns, and practice making very different choices. The best way to facilitate this process is by a commitment to sustained practice in an evolutionary community. We cannot evolve our relationships in solitary practice. How obvious this appears, and yet, many of us have been trying to do just that.

The younger student, just discovering the possibility of true communion with others, has many potential avenues of learning how to connect with greater depth. He can also dive into practice with an evolutionary community. The youngest members of Craig Hamilton’s ELTP continually amaze the rest of us with their insight and facility for evolving their relationships.

Our younger brother would benefit from joining any group dedicated to creating positive change together, whether that group has a spiritual, environmental, political, or artistic focus. His experiences would lead him to a higher, deeper exploration of our shared reality.

I want to give two references to teachings on evolutionary relationship that are more intuitively oriented. Some of us need a solid intellectual foundation from which to best open ourselves to an experiential awareness of that which is beyond the mind. The above teachers provide that, in a rich and liberating way. Some of us need to explore evolutionary relationship in a more intuitive, even sensory fashion, to stay engaged.

Thomas Huebl (ThomasHuebl.com) is a spiritual teacher from Austria who uses deep intuitive processes to cultivate, “the new We,” in societal transformation. Thomas facilitates an annual, “Celebrate Life Festival,” in Europe each summer, and is offering more workshops in the U.S. Patricia Albere’s site, EvolutionaryCollective.com, focuses on our relationships and ways of experiencing our divine inter-relatedness. Patricia was one of the first est facilitators, with Werner Erhart, at the beginning of the human potential movement in the 1970’s. (I did one process with her a couple weeks ago, she was very nice, and I’m pretty sure she would have let me go to the bathroom–est demanded a certain discipline, back in the day:).

It’s my honor and pleasure to learn from all these teachers. I’ll be sharing their perspectives, and my experience of their teachings, with you, as we continue on our path of evolving relationship, together. I hope you will allow the Holy Spirit, the evolutionary impulse, to guide you in your exploration, for the greatest good of us all.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

Maui is a diverse island, and I tend to be in circles that include a wide range of cultures, religions, interests and ages.  Living close to many different types of  people has become a delightful norm for me.  I really don’t think I would feel as at home in a more homogenous community.

This week I had the fascinating experience of sharing some introductory material on evolutionary relationship with two very different students.

One man was in his late sixties, from Eastern Europe.  He began practicing Buddhism 30 years ago, and spent many years traveling and studying with teachers in Malaysia and Japan. He was a very sophisticated man, and an experienced seeker of truth.

This gentleman was familiar with the basic philosophical and metaphysical concepts that come forth in a discussion based on evolutionary spirituality. He interrupted me after five minutes, stating in a dismissive fashion, “There isn’t anything new in that–they’re just calling it something different.”  His cynicism seemed to prevent him from being able to consider anything from the, “beginner’s mind,” considered so important by many schools of Buddhist thought.  He spoke of feeling stuck in some key relationships, and didn’t see any way to move forward.

The second man was in his early twenties, a mix of local cultures, Hawaiian, Filipino, and Chinese.  His parents had not regularly practiced any religion when he was growing up, and he had not felt any particular call to explore spirituality on his own.  This young man was very forthright in sharing that he had never felt an emotionally intimate connection with another human being.  He was truly naive, without an understanding or experience of the quality of relationship possible between people.

I began to realize I was verbalizing integral concepts that must have sounded like a foreign language to this student.  Yet, words such as, “deeper, more real, authentic care, discovering how inter-related we truly are, waking up together,” resonate, on some level, with all souls.  I watched this young man’s face as I described the evolutionary impulse urging us to move forward into genuinely mutual, sacred relationship.  His eyes filled with longing–I could tell he was seeing with the eye of the heart, hearing with the ear of the heart.

Which of these two students, both divine embodiments of Spirit in form, one with a lifetime of spiritual practice, determined to see the future through the lens of the past, one just learning of the possibility of feeling deeply connected with others and longing to feel more, do you think will have an easier time evolving their relationships?

It’s never too early, it’s never too late.  In this now moment, becoming, we can choose a more real life, a holy life, a life deeply connected to those with whom we share this earth.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

First, for those asking to subscribe and receive my posts (thank you very much, I love you, too:), giving you a heads up that it’s going to be another week or so until my Word Press update makes that and other new things available from the blog link on MauiSpiritualCounseling.com’s menu. I so appreciate your interest and enthusiasm!

You have sent me many wonderful, warm, inspiring comments of support. I am deeply grateful for your openness of mind and heart. Of all the comments I’ve received thus far, only one has expressed disappointment.

That reader found nothing original in my posts, rather, much whining about things that could be fixed, if we weren’t so busy looking for awareness. I was surprised when first reading the comment–nothing about the evolutionary perspective on relationship, my readers’ questions, or my answers, seems whinny to me. But there is great value in focusing a practical lens on any spiritually-oriented discussion. For this opportunity to clarify my intention, I am thankful to the reader.

The only real evidence we have of deeper understanding is how we are living in our relationships. Our relationships are a sacred laboratory, where we explore the reality of what we believe, what we think we know, how we feel, and what we are willing to do about it. Embarking on a journey of spiritual discovery is a good and noble thing. For some, it has become the necessary thing, the response to a deep longing, to a lifetime of urging from the Holy Spirit, the evolutionary impulse.

Being on a journey of spiritual discovery, and taking it seriously, is not an excuse to withdraw from the practical needs of our relationships. Indeed, each and every nuance, any glimpse we have of greater truth, makes us more responsible for bringing that awareness directly into our relationships. How else are we to know if we know anything new? If we are unable to change in the ways we say we want to, if we are not choosing differently, have we really learned anything?

It’s true that there is some confusion around the evolving paradigm of enlightenment. We are all familiar with the iconic guru on the mountain top, meditating away all awareness of life in form. Sometimes, individuals that awaken in relative isolation can become inadvertent teachers for many, and we are all beneficiaries. This model of illumination, an internal attainment of the individual, perhaps within a small religious community, has existed throughout history. Those with calls on their hearts to experience a devotional life often go off to various forms of monasteries and convents. These souls earnestly seek divine revelation, surrendered to a life of celibacy and service. How purely inspirational–if that is truly one’s path.

In reality, only a very small number of us flourish within that austere setting. Most of us are meant to live in the larger world, to have a mate, to bond deeply with a number of people in different types of relationships. Most of us are meant to love, and share love, in every way possible for humans.

An emerging model of enlightenment suggests that our consciousness has now evolved to the point where we are capable of waking up, together.  It is possible for us to experience a shared awareness of a higher, deeper, sacred oneness between us, a loving, non-dual reality. This is a potential shift in our awareness from me, to we. Small groups exploring this process are calling this shared consciousness the, “We space” (see Andrew Cohen’s, “Evolutionary Enlightenment,” 2011). For those familiar with integral terminology, the “We space,” is the fourth quadrant, the group internal consciousness (see Ken Wilber’s, “Integral Spirituality,” 2006).

This shared experience of inter-relatedness, this awareness between us of deep care, of a sacred impulse to show up as that care in the world, is real, and available. In the two years I’ve been part of Craig Hamilton’s, Evolutionary Life Transformation Program (IntegralEnlightenment.com), I have experienced the, “We space,” in practice circles and evolutionary partnerships. I’ve facilitated small groups that were able to enter that field of unified, expanded consciousness. It is beyond wonderful. I’ll tell you more about my experience in future posts.

One of the most wonderful things about the We, is the shift in motivation that occurs. Our motivation moves from a focus on our individual preferences, to a deep desire to act on behalf of the greatest good–not in a way that devalues our individual gifts, indeed, as more authentic beings free of the conditioning that can suppress our unique talents.

The cutting edge of human consciousness leads us right back to deep responsibility for the quality of our relationships. Want to be more spiritual? Got enlightenment (who said that?:)?  No need to, “get thee to a nunnery,” (and who said that?) anymore. Go on retreats, yes. But those of us with a strong urge to wake up can now choose to do it together, in marriages, in friendships, with partners at work or play. It takes commitment, it takes practice, and, in this evolutionary paradigm, becoming more conscious also requires deep commitment to our intimate relationships and friendships.

We have a sacred responsibility to show up for each other. As we become more awake, we grow an awareness of being responsible to all of humanity.

So, after taking longer to make my point than intended, here is the bottom line. My intention in inviting you to explore a deeper dimension of relationship, is not to cast you adrift on an amorphous metaphysical sea of individual seeking until you attain some certainty enabling you to swim to relational shores. My intention is to encourage you to explore deeper truths in your real life relationships, and find practical, inspirational ways of moving forward, together.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

I’ve just discovered many wonderful comments in the WordPress spam folder!  Will begin responding to them tomorrow–I’m grateful to each soul who resonated with the deeper message in my blog, and who reached out from around the world to connect with me, and with each other.

A friend has been talking with me about his recent breakup with a girlfriend whom he adored. One of the areas of relationship I promised to write about is when to let go, and how to consciously uncouple. There are some people in the world who fall in love with their first date and stay with that person until one of them transitions to the next life (yes, there really are:). For most of us, there has been a parting of the ways with someone for whom we cared.

Whether or not we initiated the parting, breaking up is indeed hard to do. There is a debate  about which scenario results in a greater emotional burden, having your own heart broken, or breaking the heart of another. If we are the one being left, and it comes to us as a surprise that our lover no longer wants us, it’s difficult to understand the price they may be paying for their decision.  If our lover goes directly into the arms of someone else, believing that their heart is impacted by what happened between us is even harder.

Yet, everything each of us does, counts. Everything each us of does impacts all of us. We can’t fully understand the process of another along the twists and turns of their path. We can, and must, for our own heart, for the heart of the world, take responsibility for our own choices.

Everything happens between people, even when one person is obviously behaving badly. Let me be clear, I’m not excusing abuse of any kind. I’m asking all of us to become more awake in our relationships, to be more conscious of what is really happening.  Whether only one person feels the need to move on, or both people are unhappy and agree to part, we all must develop a greater capacity to see the truth of our relationship.

Go on a short journey of discovery with me. Think of your last breakup. Some will need to reach back to a time long past, and some are in the middle of a painful breakup right now. Just give yourself permission to tell the truth, and ask the Holy Spirit, the Power of Love, for guidance to see clearly.

Imagine the beginning of your relationship. Were there significant differences on things important to you? Did you and your new boyfriend/girlfriend disagree on spirituality, altruism, politics, sexuality, children, importance of career, how to handle money, how to have fun, or the value of marriage? When you met their family, did you feel welcomed? Did you feel a resonance with their friends? When you observed your new love in the world, were you comfortable with the way they treated others? Can you say that you respected and admired them? Did you feel respected, admired, and valued by them?

I’m not asking if you found the other person to be perfect, or a perfect match, in any of these areas–that kind of perfection probably does not exist in form. I’m asking if, in any of these ways, or in a way important to you, there was an inner awareness of not being, “met,” of a lack of mutuality that registered as a kind of warning, either as a physical discomfort, or a mental, “red flag.”

Next, ask yourself, “What did I believe was going to happen with those red flags?” Did you imagine that love would overcome them? Did you believe your lover would change, well, enough, for love to overcome all obstacles? Did you imagine you could change yourself enough to make it work? Did it?

When we are very young, we tend to opt for an experience, for an adventure in love, versus choosing a truly compatible partner with whom to begin a relationship. The time comes, for most of us, when we want the real thing. If we are actually ready for the real thing, or, actually want to be ready (we’ve got to ask ourselves this question, we can’t take the answer for granted), then, we need to take more responsibility for choosing a lover/mate whose values align with ours.

We need to take more responsibility for paying deep attention to the quality of our connection, and for being honest with ourselves and our partner. We need to be courageous in bringing up both our hopes and concerns. We need to be willing to see where our expectations were ours alone, and not based on any evidence provided by our partner. We need to get clear about the chances of any of our core needs being met. Getting clear is not about finding fault with the other, even if their actions have been egregious, by any sane person’s standards. Getting clear is telling ourselves the truth about whether this person and us are enough of a fit to move forward together, and then taking responsibility for acting on that truth.

Sometimes, what does feel good has kept us in a situation where lots of other things don’t feel good. The day comes when the things that don’t feel good, feel bad enough to make the good part not worth it anymore. At this point, a couple with some commitment can choose to seek help from a counselor, or trusted clergy (if the spiritual dimension of your life is important to you, please consider looking for a transpersonal or integral psychologist/ psychotherapist). If there isn’t a real commitment, one person usually leaves.

If we are the one left, we can feel rejected, devalued, betrayed, even unlovable. Our human tendency is to see ourselves as the victim. It’s difficult to see the gift in our situation, as we sit alone, with a heart full of misery. Yet, it’s also difficult to argue with the truth–if our relationship is over, it needs to be over. If being together wasn’t working for our partner, it’s much better to know it sooner rather than later. If we are honest with ourselves, we admit the ways the relationship wasn’t working for us, either.

When we have extended our heart and shared ourselves, grieving over the loss of that closeness, that human contact, is only natural. How many times have we grieved over losing a relationship that, if we tell ourselves the truth, never really had a chance? Or that seemed so right, but went so wrong? We all long for love, to give love, to be loved. It’s all too easy to deny the reality of a relationship growing distant, to pretend not to see, not to feel the hurt.

If we want the real thing, we’ve got to wake up. We can’t sleepwalk through our relationship disconnects. We need to take responsibility for addressing these disconnects directly, when we experience them. We need to get conscious help. If our partner won’t participate, we need to let go. If they’ve already gone, we need to trust that as we become more aware of what really matters to us, and show up that way in the world, we will attract someone who shares our values, and who passionately wants to be with us.

There is much advice available on letting go of a relationship and moving forward. One of the best resources I’ve found is from a woman who wrote a bestseller about finding your soulmate. Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of, “Calling In The One,” is now offering a digital series called, “Conscious Uncoupling,” http://evolvingwisdom.com/consciousuncoupling/enroll. You can download a free seminar introducing the series at http://evolvingwisdom.com/consciousuncoupling/download. I know, some irony here–but hey, you don’t want to hear from someone who only focuses on on things not working out, do you? Katherine has learned much from her years of researching what brings couples together, and now is sharing about a more conscious approach to letting go. Check out her course and let me know what you think.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

How is 2012 looking/feeling so far?  Would love to hear about your New Year’s adventure on our path of evolving consciousness.  All my contact info is on my site, please click, “Maui Spiritual Counseling,” to visit me there and leave a message, or, write a comment below this post.

Can I ask for tech support/advice, in the spirit of wanting to be available to readers in the way that’s for the greatest good?  O.K., will try my best to communicate in what is definitely not my first language, geek-speak (is that offensive? please forgive lack of familiarity with suitable programming social mores, I have deep respect for your expertise).

I discovered only two months ago that MauiSpiritualCounseling.com has two blog platforms, WordPress, and Google.  The WP blog is found on the left-side menu, and the google blog is accessed on the, “About Me,” page, in the text of the last paragraph, where it says, “Get to know Dr. Julianne by visiting her blog.”  The latter blog has it’s own address, “DrJulianne.blogspot.com.”   This revelation (undisclosed by my truly brilliant, evolutionary, consultant at the time of his updating my site), made me aware of the need to copy each post in both platforms.

It’s time to take, “Ask Dr. Julianne,” to the next level, and great resources are now available to me.  It certainly seems like having one platform would be the logical way to proceed, and many blogging gurus are lining up with WordPress…yes?  So, I was playing around inside my google blog, trying to educate myself about any features I might miss by consolidating with WP, and discovered the, “Statistics,” link (maybe the current WP release has all kinds of stats, but I am just learning these things, go ahead and sigh, I won’t hold it against you).

I was astonished to see that people from all over the world are reading my blog!  I’m only beginning, after all.

Wonderful souls from Europe, especially France (I have a B.A. in French, so must give shout out: Salut, chers amis, comment ca va? J’ai etudie a la Sorbonne pour un ete, il y a longtemps, et vous m’avez traite tres gentiment.), the United Kingdom, Germany, Russia, Slovenia, and Serbia, from China, Taiwan and Malaysia, from India, from Australia, from Africa, from South America, from Canada, as well as all parts of the USA, are exploring, leaning forward together, on this evolutionary journey!

This makes me so happy!  You make me feel like everything along the path that has polished me within an inch of my life, and continues to relentlessly polish us all, is very much worth it. Thank you, with my whole heart.

So, dear ones who read me on DrJulianne.blogspot.com, if my blog had not been on a Google platform, would you still have found me?

Beloved gear-heads (a dear friend wears a T-shirt that proclaims him to be so, don’t blame me), what shall I do?  Consolidate to WP, or no?

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha Dear Ones,

Happy New Year’s Day.  Maui is spectacularly beautiful today.  Blues of sky and sea, greens of palm trees and exotic plants, fragrant flowers painted bright fuschia, all alive and vibrant in the soft sunshine.  Gentle trade winds blow across small waves, tease blossoms, and caress my face.  I feel a part of everything flowing and ever-changing.

Just got done watching the last half hour of, “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” for the, God-knows-how-many, time.  Even with the passionate contingent of true alien believers on Maui, I’m not really a space brother/space sister, kind of new-ager.  It’s pretty logical that other beings exist in the galaxy.  I just don’t go around focusing on them.  We have plenty to do here.  Don’t get me wrong, I love SciFi.  I’d be happy giving tax dollars to NASA, so that we can, “boldly go where no one has gone before.”

That wonder of going forward into the unknown, is what resonated so deeply with me, watching, “Close Encounters.”  It seemed downright prophetic, this time–of change in motion.

How many times have thoughts like, “Things will never change.  I had dreams, goals, for 2011, the same ones I’ve had for so long. How will anything ever be different,” crossed your mind? Or is it just me?  At the end of each year, we are besieged with well-meaning emails, classes, invitations of all sorts, trying to give us a new twist on goal setting.  All these promise us that if we can just tweak the process the right way, our goals will come to fruition.

Yes, there are ways of focusing our intention that make our dreams more likely to take shape, to grow into recognizable form.  Taking small, consistent steps, day after day, and giving each step a deadline, or due date, is one.  Being willing to try something we’ve never done before is another.

There is a new, evolutionary perspective, a bigger truth I’m asking all of us to consider. Whatever we do, it’s never just about us. Our sweetest, wildest dream, if we imagine living it, are we ever alone? Isn’t there someone, or many, sharing it with us? Just imagine the most powerful manifestation of your dream impacting, blessing the earth, and everyone on it. How does it look?  How does it feel?

You may be imagining something very grand.  A multi-modal, global healing center, somehow accessible to anyone in need, is the big dream of more Mauians than I can count, and what a beautiful, altruistic dream. Here’s the thing–each choice, no matter how small, of the dreamer, is just as important, potentially just as beautiful, just as altruistic, as the grander vision.

One day, we get out of bed, and we don’t want to work on the planned step towards our goal. It’s such a small thing, not glamorous, not leading to any clear result on its own.  Maybe it’s not even an action towards the goal itself, but an internal preparation, like a daily meditation practice.  On the days when we haven’t had enough sleep the night before, or we were disappointed by a friend before breakfast, from where does our motivation come?  What does it matter?

It matters, dear ones, because we are responsible to each other in this life. If we give up, we take away from our brothers and sisters.  If we do that which is right for us to do, we contribute to the well being of our family, our community, our country, our earth, to all humanity.  This is easy enough for good, spiritual people to get on board with, intellectually, even emotionally. But when it is real for us, when this sacred interconnection becomes our lived reality, a miracle happens.

Our motivation shifts.  We may not feel like doing the right thing for ourselves, when it is especially inconvenient, or if we feel inadequate to the demand.  But, we have a deep and abiding awareness of everyone in our circles, and their circles, depending on us, needing us to show up as the very best within us. Our love for these precious ones, our commitment to them, lifts us up, makes it possible for us to act for the greater good. Then, miracle of wonders, we discover that doing what is for the greatest good, however difficult or terrifying it seemed, turns out to be our greatest happiness, also–not in abstract, but in the most real, bottom-line, fulfilling, exciting way.

More of us are waking up to our innate inter-relatedness.  A divinely inspired evolution of our consciousness is unfolding. In a world motivated by doing the right thing for the greatest good, we don’t need to worry about, “How will anything ever be different?”  For any pattern of limitation, any holding back from expressing all the love of God, becoming–its days are numbered.  Something more good, more true, more beautiful, and more holy, is emerging.

As 2012 begins, we are indeed going where no one has gone before, together.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne