Aloha Dear Ones,

There are many things I want to share with you, many ways of exploring our evolving capacity for deeper, mutual relationship.  I also want to answer your practical questions about relationship issues most of us face.

A question came to me this week from someone who has read all my blog posts. They love my down-to-earth advice.  They specially enjoy my attempts to bring humor and hope to relationship, whether for singles looking, or for couples looking for something more together.  They are intrigued by the evolutionary perspective on relationship about which I’ve begun writing, but confessed to not feeling ready for it.  “I’m willing to take responsibility for myself, and I want to be a better partner.  The evolutionary stuff is very interesting, and I’d like to believe what I do makes a real difference in the world–but it kind of sounds like something for people who’ve got everyday problems handled.  How can you expect regular people to feel responsible to everybody?  Maybe down the road, I’ll be able to take that on.”

This is a valid question, and an honest response to the biggest picture world view I’ve ever encountered, evolutionary spirituality/ evolutionary relationship.  I get that being asked to consider the greatest good, in everything from how we love, how we do business, to which thoughts we think, is overwhelming.  Any sane human is humbled by the realization that, “God has no hands but ours.”

Yet, not only are we being called to realize our big picture responsibility, we are now actually being called to lean into the edge of our understanding of it.  We are called to act boldly on behalf of the greatest good, even as we question what it is, what our relationship is to it, and what our relationship is to each other.

Perhaps the best known teacher of evolutionary spirituality is Andrew Cohen, with whom my current teacher, Craig Hamilton (IntegralEnlightenment.com), studied.  Andrew’s new book, “Evolutionary Enlightenment,” is a wonderful explanation of the evolutionary perspective.  I highly recommend it to you.  Andrew also publishes an online magazine/ evolutionary network, EnlightenNext.org, in which he writes a, “Quote of the Week.”  The quote I just received in my email speaks beautifully to the question of just how much consciousness we are ready to take on.

 

Aloha Dear Ones,

Tonight I’d like to begin sharing with you the essential dynamics of evolutionary relationship, as I have come to understand them.

For the past two years, I have been immersed in the study of evolutionary spirituality with Craig Hamilton, a teacher based in Northern California. Craig’s site is IntegralEnlightenment.com.  He studied for many years with the best-known proponent of evolutionary spirituality, Andrew Cohen. Andrew’s new book, “Evolutionary Enlightenment,” available on Amazon, is a great resource for those seeking to understand the evolutionary perspective.

One of the most fascinating and hopeful discoveries of evolutionary community has been the emergence of a, “We space.”  This, “We,” is an experience of mutual inner knowing between people that seems to be beyond personality conditioning, a visceral awareness of something that was previously a spiritual metaphor of unity, of us being, “all God’s children.”  There are updated metaphors referring to humanity as, “one life, ” or, “one heartbeat.”

Evolutionaries speak of the, “evolutionary impulse,” or the active face of God, the forward-moving divine intention that Mother Teresa called upon us to embody, because, “God has no hands but ours.”   My background is Christian, and my purest experience of what my ministers would call, “The Holy Spirit,” is how I experience the evolutionary impulse. For me, there is no difference in the spiritual power to which these terms seek to give expression. There is the same ever-present mystery, the quality of deep care, a sacred fire urging us to recognize each other as brothers and sisters, holding us responsible for doing the right thing, motivating us to act for the higher good, in the name of love.

Craig Hamilton has written, “Principles of Evolutionary Culture: How you can create a microcosm of Heaven on Earth.”  These 10 principles, written with inspiring clarity, offer practices relating to each other as the We beyond individual egoic conditioning, responsive to the evolutionary impulse’s call to a more passionately conscious, sacred life, to more powerfully creative, loving, mutual relationships.  The principles were intended to facilitate groups–I will paraphrase the principles as a framework for relationship.  Visit IntegralEnlightment.com to view Craig Hamilton’s original, “Principles of Evolutionary Culture.”

The first of the 10 principles is, “A Wholehearted Intention to Transform.”

Bring all of yourselves to this relationship.  Recognize that this is a place where your own deepest longing for a greater life, a holy life, can be engaged and expressed.  Have the love, trust, and courage to give your heart and soul to the way you will be learning to relate with each other, and with all others.  Do this in the knowledge that the single most transformative power in the world is the power of our intention.  If you want your life to change in a profound way, it will.  If you want your relationship to change for the greater good, it will.  With that kind of intention behind you, your relationship  can be a powerful catalyst for waking up together, for experiencing a deeper, higher love that will inspire the world.

Wow.  What a pure, powerful, righteous intention.  I feel my heart bursting open with hope for something better than I’ve ever known before when I read those words.   What would happen if you committed to relating to your partner in this light?  How would your life be different if you related to everyone with such a sacred intention?

Something to think about, to feel into, to let in.  Just receive this as a gift. Consider embarking on an amazing adventure towards the real thing, together.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

 

 

Aloha Everyone,

I want to begin tonight by telling all of you how much I appreciate you.  Each person who opens their mind and heart to creating more happy, loving relationships is an inspiration to me, and a blessing to humanity.

Today I met with a new client.  His courage, and his willingness to embrace change, to explore possibilities for  authentic relationship, just blows me away.  I have a certain expectation of those who have been studying conscious connection, that they will at least try to improve the quality of their friendships and intimate relationships.  But when someone whose life has been focused on business/corporate realms shows up with brilliant openness to interpersonal transformation, I am truly amazed and grateful.

Let’s talk about the question from a local couple asking for suggestions on how to use some of the Christmas spirit to strengthen their marriage.  O.K., the wife asked the question, but she did say that if she’s smart about picking a time (not when the husband is hungry, or watching the big game), her guy is actually interested in doing things that bring them closer emotionally and physically.  It doesn’t hurt to remind the man that one often leads to the other.

I heard a wonderful suggestion for deepening and enlivening the relationship between couples who have been together for awhile from Patricia Albere, who founded EvolutionaryCollective.com.  (Patricia is offering a 5-week on-line course on Evolutionary Relationship the beginning of January, for a very reasonable cost.  She is a pioneer on the cutting edge of evolving mutuality in relationships.  I strongly recommend going to EvolutionaryCollective.com and checking out this opportunity.)

The suggestion for couples seeking more genuine mutuality in their partnership, is to each write down a list of what they are passionate about, and what they would like to have more of in their lives.  Then they both share their lists.  Together, they make a new list, ranking all their passions in order of how important each one is for the happiness of their marriage.

Keep in mind that a healthy marriage has a wide range of needs, from spiritual depth and alignment of life purpose, to emotional connection and sexual satisfaction, to just plain, G-rated fun.  Really, make sure having fun makes it into the top five.

When the couple has their list ranking passions most important to their marriage, they carefully look at each one, exploring it’s role in their relationship.  Where is the passion working to bring them closer?  Where is it creating uncomfortable distance?  Be honest with your mate.  The fastest, most effective way to change is to accept the truth about how things are now.

Explore how each passion might be enjoyed in a way that is most rewarding for both partners.  Just throw out ideas, don’t worry about getting it right.  See yourselves on an adventure of discovery, with the good and noble purpose of more ease, understanding and pleasure between you. Ask who is more able to change/enhance how each passion is enjoyed/experienced.  Agree to be teachers/coaches for each other, “I’ll show you how to have a better time with this, if you’ll help me appreciate that.”

Again, explore with the spirit of adventure.  This isn’t about duty, about obeying external rules and meeting standard expectations.  This is about the two of you, those two people who met and liked each other a whole lot, that couple who had such a good time together, they decided to hook-up every day.

The heart can open at Christmas in a very tender way.  We celebrate the birth of Divine Love in human form.  Surely the new possibility of conscious love that Christ embodied can help couples become more conscious about sharing the passions that bring their love alive.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne

Aloha from Maui, Hawaii!

 

Aloha Everyone,

This week has been full of questions about looking for love, keeping love, knowing when love has gone, saying goodbye to a love and preparing to love again.

I’m tempted to write two separate posts, one for women and one for men. There is much advice available that addresses one sex or the other–at some point, I will go there for a couple weeks–but not this time. There are some basic truths I’m learning about intimate relationships that I’d like to share with you all.

For singles looking:

Try to get clear on what kind of relationship you want–for some of us, this is not as easy as it might seem. Write two columns, “Want,” and, “Don’t Want.” Tell the truth. Read them. Notice your visceral response to everything you’re reading. Is it accurate & current, or based on some past experience? You may need to update, or add a “Maybe,” column.

Once you’ve got some clarity, do something about it. Let go of all preconceived ideas about right or wrong ways to meet someone. If you have an issue with online dating, all that means is that you’re probably older than you’d like to admit. Get over it, already–it’s what almost everybody under 40 does, what everybody under 30 does, and a 20 year-old doesn’t even understand the question. However it used to be, where has it gotten you up to now?

Give yourself permission to flirt with everybody. I’m not suggesting you be salacious, or inappropriate in any way, just fully alive and willing to share your enjoyment of life with those around you.

Take this test–the next time you see someone attractive to you, what is your automatic response? Do you make eye contact and smile, or do you look away? If you’re looking away, stop that! Gaze into their eyes & smile–what could it hurt? If the person is psychologically healthy & open to love, they will receive your attention as a compliment.

Practice flirting with anyone in your category of interest. Build your ability to talk about your appreciation of life, and the small things you notice about someone that please you. Communicate this way when you’re out in the world. When you meet a potential lover whose charms stun you, you’ll be much less likely to run. You’ll be more likely to do what you do everyday.

For women (O.K., I can’t help it), this initially needs to lean towards sustained eye contact (five whole seconds, I mean it) and smiling. If the man appears terrified, thank God you’re getting the scoop up front. More likely, he’ll be intrigued and approach you.

For men, you need to gaze into a woman’s eyes, smile and speak. Yes, for our sake, for your sake, say something. A simple, “You look good today,” is a gift to any sane female (I know there are women with issues–just duck & move on).

Let yourself explore these ways of connecting. Regard it as a fun experiment, no pressure, just a juicy adventure. When we allow ourselves to be playful with each other, much anxiety falls away. Our willingness to enjoy life can be our most compelling quality.

I’ll stop here for now. Go out and flirt. I respectfully dare and encourage you.

Love and blessings,

Dr. Julianne